FOR most divorced women, it seems their only crime is having a job and earning a living wage.
Most of these divorcees forego their entitlement to alimony — all they are asking from their exes is fair payment of child maintenance.
For that, they are slapped with the penalty of shouldering full and sole responsibility of raising the children.
Most of these divorcees are not asking for their entitlement to alimony — all they want is fair child maintenance. After all, their ex-husbands are also employed and capable of giving child support — only that they are not pitching in their fair share.
Working divorced women who are both mother and father to their children, have to provide for their physical, mental, emotional and financial needs while their exes are free to rediscover the joy of being single again — at least in most cases.
Recalled 56-year-old divorced mum Marie Ann (not her real name) who is raising her son alone: “Those were my darkest days. There wasn’t a month I didn’t have to borrow from my sister to make ends meet.”
Her salary was barely enough to cover the whole month. Fortunately, she had the ancestral home, supportive parents and siblings to return to. But when her parents passed on, she felt her world had come crashing down.
“A monthly pay of RM1,200 sounds like a lot but, mind you, it doesn’t stretch very far these days when you have so many commitments,” she said.
Marie Ann remembers she had to live as frugal a life as modern times would allow. A huge chunk of her salary went into buying daily necessities — and any form of luxury or indulgence were off limits.
She and her son never had a vacation outside Kuching. The furthest they ever went was Damai Beach — even then, they had to bring their own food and drinks.
Not that it mattered all that much. There were more important things to attend to. Her son was rather poor in math — which meant tuition. But even that had to end abruptly due to her defaulting on payments.
“Although it was only RM60 per month back then, I still had to scrap the barrel,” Marie Ann recalled.
After falling behind in payments for a couple of months, she got help from her sister but knew this could not go on indefinitely. Her son was her responsibility and without the cash, she had to pull him out of math tuition.
Looking back, Marie Ann said it made her cringe to think if something had happened to her or her son during those hard times.
Another divorcee Lisa Marie (not her real name) recalled the day her son returned from school with a new pair of shoes.
Her sister who was fetching the boy home, noticed some girls poking fun at his worn-out shoes. Feeling sorry for the youngster, she brought him a new pair.
Lisa Marie’s husband was ordered to pay RM250 monthly child support which she never received. She never bothered to take him to court because she simply couldn’t afford it.
Besides, her role as mother, father and provider all rolled into one left her with little or no time at all to pursue the matter.
“It was too much of a hassle; my lawyer advised me to seek redress but I could not do it because of lack of funds and time.”
Both mother and child lived a life of deprivation. She had no savings — and also no insurance for herself and her son.