Give Mum a break!

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WE, men, take things for granted when it comes to the mother’s role in the family. Her contribution to society is often looked upon as less important than that of the man’s, though countless of them have proven otherwise; given the chance, they are as good as men in all fields. In some cases, better.

Name them – medicine, politics, law, humanities.

The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world

In the local legislature, the number of women, mothers among them, has increased many folds. From Tra Zehnder in the 1960s to Ajibah Abol, Hafsah Harun, Dona Babel, Lily Yong, and Sharifah Mordiah in more recent decades, to Sharifah Hasidah, Simoi Peri, Rosey Yunus, Fatimah Abdullah, Ting Tze Fui, Violet Yong and Christina Chiew after the latest round of elections – women’s power is on the rise in Sarawak.

The beauty about women is that when their sex is under attack, they all join forces, never mind which political camp they belong to. Led by Shahrizat, Teresa Kok and Nurul Izzah, they rallied against and swooped on a male chauvinist from Kinabatangan. The object of their ire was the honourable Member of Parliament who had falsely attributed many road accidents to women’s driving. As a male poet who remains anonymous once commented: “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.”

Discrimination

In some cultures, women are meant to produce children only; in the past, they were regarded as chattels. As slaves they were bought and sold on the open market until men like Wilberforce successfully fought for the abolition of slavery.

In our culture, women are not treated as equals in many aspects of life. They eat later than the men. Men have the privilege to marry more than one wife …

While I was arguing this case for women in general, a member of our Laksa Club, with tongue in cheek, quipped, “Women should also marry more than one husband.” True, in one African country that he had read about, there is such a word as polyandry.

In a western culture, during certain occasions women are treated as something special. “Ladies First, please,” begins the announcement when dinner is being served. In most Asian countries, women eat after their men.

In England, a speech begins with “Ladies and Gentlemen”. In our culture, we begin with “Tuan-tuan dan Puan-puan”.

Voting rights

In Switzerland, women were not allowed to vote in elections or referenda until 1971! And in Malaysia there are millions of women without votes because they are not on the electoral rolls of the Election Commission – a discrimination both self-inflicted and encouraged by political inertia.

God’s agents on earth

God may have made humans in His own image, but it is the woman who is responsible for the production and delivery of them. For nine months, she is heavy with the baby. She has to eat the right type of food for her and the baby. She has to be careful not to hurt herself during the pregnancy.

She craves for a certain kind of food, which may not be easily available at short notice. She craves for durian when the fruit is not in season or fish from the river which is polluted.

She lives a stressful life indeed.

In whatever setting or circumstance she is in, the pregnant woman faces danger to her life and that of her baby. For a mother near the nearest prenatal and post-natal facilities, care is assured, but for a mother away from those facilities, her life is in the hands of the local midwife (bidan) without the help of anaesthetic or painkiller. Deaths during child births are not uncommon, especially in the rural areas.

Her life on the line

The day she gives birth to a child is the most critical stage of her life, literally a matter of life and death situation. During her lifetime, there are a number of such critical days and each time her life is on the line.

Where is daddy? Watching the wife in labour in the next room, more of a nuisance than an asset to the doctors and nurses, then claiming how clever he is when seeing a beautiful baby!

A bouquet for mother

It has become a tradition for city dwellers to celebrate the Mother’s Day once a year — a day in which she is relieved of her chores in the kitchen and pampered at the most expensive restaurants and showered with gifts. What she needs is love and affection from her children and grandchildren. And from her husband. These are priceless gifts to her. These are the joys amidst trials and tribulations.

However, for other mothers especially in the rural areas life goes on as usual – children to feed, water to fetch, rubber trees to tap, vegetables to gather, rice to pound and cook; endless chores on the day of celebration itself.

Everyday should be Mother’s Day – day of rest when the children and hubby should at least wash the dishes. In New Zealand, she does not wash dishes after dinner; the husband and children do that. Even a guest is expected to clean the spoons and plates he has been eating with.

Her battle goes on

After the dinner and the party at the posh hotel, the mother continues her battle until her last breath. For the solo mothers, the battle is uphill.

We must therefore spare a thought for the single mothers as well, especially those in Sarawak. We must appreciate the fact that the circumstances in which they find themselves in now are not of their choosing.

Men have contributed to those circumstances. Think especially about the welfare of those school-going children, those solo mothers who are not in the best of health.

We must urge the relevant authorities to think of ways and means whereby these mothers can earn some income in order to lead a decent life by providing them with jobs or assisting in small-time businesses for them. We are supposed to be a rich country and yet the solo mothers are not getting a fair deal especially those in the rural areas, when compared to those in the UK or Australia or New Zealand.

However, one grateful son wrote a poem about that battle and a reminder that we, men and sons, must endorse wholeheartedly as we join in the celebrations of Mother’s Day this year:

“The bravest that ever was fought;

Shall I tell you where and when?

On the maps of the world you will find it not;

It was fought by the mothers of men.” — Joaquin Miller

And the battle continues as only mothers know it, the solo mothers more so.

Once a family is raised, there are Johnny’s school uniforms and fees to pay; there are Mary’s dress and shoes to buy.

There is hubby’s rice to cook and favourite veggies to fry. The checklist pasted on the fridge is long but cannot all be implemented.

First teacher

The first teacher in the life of a child is its mother. The first lesson is the rapport between the two, one feeding, the other sucking, and they depend so much on each other for survival at this stage that it is hard to understand why sometimes mothers abandon their babies.

As Confucius says: “The sapling is so bent so shall the tree grow.”

A lot depends on how the mum brings her baby up in the early stages of the child’s life. Other influences come later. The surroundings — education, formal and informal, have a direct bearing upon the child’s development as it begins to socialise.

First consultant

In some cultures, a mother’s role in the choice of husband or wife for her child is important. Even the right dress for the wedding for her Mary.

Role in the kitchen

While this role is somewhat diminishing among mothers in the cities who work in offices and are exhausted by the time they reach home after a long traffic jam, to the mothers in the rural  the kitchen and the farm are still very much part of their daily existence.

Wherever you are – in hospital, on the farm, in the office or in the kitchen, as usual, we love you, mothers and grandmothers.

Where would we, men and sons, be without you?

Happy Mother’s Day!

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