Alleviating the plight of single mothers

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SINGLE mothers are parents who look after their children without the involvement of the other biological parents (the fathers).

This can be due to choice as in divorce, adoption and surrogate motherhood or through unforeseeable circumstances such as death, child abuse and neglect, abandonment by one of the biological parents, or an unmarried woman or a teenaged girl becoming pregnant after a short relationship.

A woman may voluntarily become a ‘choice’ parent through artificial insemination. She may also choose to adopt a child as a singleton. In short, she is a single mother by choice.

Generally, more single parent families are found in the higher poverty risk group than couple families. This is a major social issue affecting single parents and their children not only in developing but also developed countries.

According to the US Bureau of the Census, female-headed single parent families account for 50 per cent of all families in poverty. In contrast, children, raised by both parents, tend to be financially, educationally and emotionally better off growing up.

Children of single parents are also more prone to self-destruction. Research shows children living with a single parent are about three times more likely to attempt suicide when they reach their mid-20’s than children living with two parents.

On average, single mothers have poorer health than couple mothers but the former are usually prevented from seeking assistance by fears of public condemnation of their status.

In most cultures, prejudices against single mothers are strong, impelling many of these destitute women to live a life of shame and guilt as though they are convicted felons.

Most of these single mothers do not know what they can do to help themselves or where or who to turn to for help – a valid point made by Energy, Green Technology and Water Minister Datuk Seri Peter Chin during the recent launch of the Single Mothers’ Assistance Group (SMAG) jumble sales in Miri.

He noted that some poverty-stricken single mothers even had to cut short the education of their children, especially the eldest, so that they could work to help pay for the school fees and ancillary expenses of the younger sibling.

Chin praised SMAG for organising fund-raising activities such as the jumble sale to alleviate the plight of single mothers, saying such altruistic gesture will give them hope and encouragement to work hard and fend for themselves.

There are single mothers who are prepared to endure great hardships and make big sacrifices to give their children a chance at life.

As their task is arduous, they need all the support to make it work. In this regard, SMAG’s initiative — in the form of counselling and skills training – to help single mothers become breadwinners is exemplary.

No less so, and certainly worthy of emulation by other benevolent non-governmental organisations, is the Group’s sponsorship of tuition and housekeeping courses to help the children become responsible and independent in looking after the home while their mothers are working.

However, as noble as they are, SMAG’s objectives will not be as far-reaching as intended without adequate funding, and as the Group has limited resources, Chin has called on philanthropists and the corporate sector to chip in. Hopefully, they will rise to the occasion.

While there are other ways to help single mothers, few can match that of the PAS-led Kelantan government for peculiarity and oddity.

The East Coast state legislature recently heard that in an attempt to reduce the 45,000 single mothers in Kelantan, the government there was contemplating giving incentives to married men who take single mothers as second or third wives.

A high-ranking PAS official said the incentives (quantum yet to be decided) are a novel idea to help single mothers, divorcees or widows get a husband but will only be given to those men who let their first wives know of their intentions.

The aim, according to the official, is to help single mothers face the myriad of social problems through “healthy polygamous marriages.”

It’s well to remember the idea originates from a state that has issued divinatory diktats placing severe limitations on the statuesque being and civil liberties of a woman – like no lipstick, no perfume, no socialising and a rigid dress code, among others. In essence, no demonstration of beauty.

The Kelantan government’s move on incentives for married men who wed single mothers is a grossly over-simplified solution to a highly complex social and psychological problem.

For the most part, the proposal is akin to melodrama and like most scripts written in that genre, the attached sentimentality is fleeting and will vanish once the hard realities of life set in.