AS they would say in British universities – since mine, to all intents and purposes, is the Malaysian campus of a British university – it was ‘Fresher’s’ Week’ this past week.
So, after a couple of months of relative peace and quiet, often with many of us staring out to the hills of Broga instead of poring over students’ assigments, last week saw many new faces making their way into campus, looking excited, lost and apprehensive, all at the same time.
It brought back memories of some years of teaching in a public university I still fondly refer to as Universiti Ah Pek (UAP).
The main difference, I find, is in the manner the students are treated. Back in my public university days – and I’m reliably informed that nothing much has changed since – all ‘freshies’ had to wear set clothing, virtual uniforms, during the week. And it was called induction week.
There was also a fairly rigid programme outlined for them from dawn to dusk, organised by the Hal Ehwal Pelajar office in conjunction with other university departments. And each day, these newbies were led by the nose – I mean, hand – to the various activities prepared for them.
Here in this ‘foreign’ university, evidently it never occurred to the organisers to remind the new students of their days in school. Hence, no uniformed groups were observed, thank god. And the new undergraduates somehow found their way around campus without having to be herded around like cattle.
It was truly refreshing, to be honest, to see young men and women being treated like independent adults instead of children.
Be that as it may, what really prompted my piece this week was the arrival of quite a number of overseas students on campus and also a couple of new colleagues who apparently need a quick tutorial on Malaysia. To do this, I thought I’d explain some key terms bandied about in contemporary Malaysia, no matter how silly they may sound.
The first, of course is ‘1Malaysia’, the supposed brainchild of our present PM. At its most simple, it’s really a slogan. The nice folks see it as the guiding light, as it were, to bring us to the path of success and final societal salvation. They see 1Malaysia as the ideal-type society where, like The Three Musketeers, we will be ‘one for all and all for one’.
But, of course, the not-so-convinced folks then point to the inequalities in terms of opportunities, access, and the existence of racially-based political parties, policies and legislation, and the existence of vocal groups like Perkasa that enhance and exacerbate these inequalities, and ask ‘What 1Malaysia’?
But this is where Malaysia Boleh! comes in the picture. Coined, I think, by the marketing team of that other Malaysian icon, Dr M, this important phrase – nah, it’s more a rallying call – rebukes us Malaysians for being negative and urges us to tell ourselves that nothing is insurmountable for us Malaysians.
So, for example, if our universities cannot do well on the international rankings, we come up with our own ‘first’ discoveries, however irrelevant.
What’s important, really is that we came up with the discovery first. So, we follow the example of, among others, that Malaysian sailor who could rightly claim Malaysia Boleh! when he sailed around the world the wrong – err, opposite – way awhile back.
The most important thing in all this is that when you’ve achieved the inconsequential, you then punch the air and grunt Malaysia Boleh! with all the passion of a rhinocerous in heat.
But there are also other nice – and not so nice – things that are synonymous with contemporary Malaysia, for which a synopsis each will have to suffice for my new overseas colleagues and students, especially the tireless Techie Tess from the land below Down Under.
‘Sodomy’, contrary to the perceptions given internationally, is not the favourite Malaysian pastime. And the rumour that a new Malaysian instant noodle, Sodo Mee 3, is set to storm the international market still remains that, a rumour.
‘Body snatching’, in turn, is not an activity conducted by all normal, sane Malaysians. It’s one that only involves strange Malaysian people and institutions who see themselves as being much closer to their god than you and I could ever hope to be.
They take it upon themselves to decide which graveyard a dead person will be buried in, irrespective of the wishes of the family and the grief they are suffering. And they call themselves ‘god fearing’. In less tragic circumstances, they would make fine comedians.
‘Bukit Kepong’ is a small town in the southern state of Johor which is significant for some Malaysian historians. For them – at least the two who spoke up – what happened in Bukit Kepong is a perfect illustration of the fact that we in Malaysia were never colonised by the kind British ‘protectors’.
‘Media freedom’ is a Malaysian oxymoron.
‘Democracy’ is a term often used to describe the Malaysian political system – often uttered in the same breath as ‘Malaysia Boleh!’
Finally, hopefully to end on a decisive and upbeat note, ‘durian’ is a term to describe what to me and many others, is the most delicious fruit ever created. Unfortunately, to many others, more so nasty Mat Salleh ‘foreigners’, durians are nothing more than pickled, rancid custard, smelling of unwashed old socks.
Like many other terms, these illustrate a Malaysia that’s currently full of contradictions, full of double-talk.
A Malaysia with which Orwell’s 1984 appears to have much in common.