Just for laughs: Politicians think and say the darndest things
Posted on February 4, 2012, Saturday
WHAT’S going on with some of our politicians these days? Have they gone bonkers?
I couldn’t help but laugh at the silly statement by the ‘fallen from grace’ Dr Hasan Ali, a former PAS leader, that DAP would merge Malaysia with Singapore into a republic. Many of you must have had a good chuckle too.
Reading only the headline ‘Hasan: DAP will merge M’sia, S’pore into a republic’ on a news portal was enough for me to shake my head in disbelief. What was really swirling in the tiny brain of Hasan to prompt him to say what he did?
What an unbelievable concoction! DAP to merge Malaysia and Singapore into a republic. Wah, I didn’t know DAP was so powerful.
What about claiming that DAP would get Malaysia to merge with China to set up a new country called CinaMasia. And the citizens of the new nation could choose whether they wished to follow a democratic or communist system. It would be the first two-system national (or international) government in the world. That will be the day! Hahaha.
Dr Hasan Ali’s gibberish prompted me to pen this column in a light manner. Let’s have a laugh about some of the weirdest things our politicians might be thinking and, in time to come, could probably come out saying nonchalantly.
Here goes.
DAP and Singapore’s PAP (People’s Action Party) will merge and conspire to turn the Malay peninsula into a Chinese peninsula. Lim Kit Siang and Lee Kuan Yew will come to a tacit agreement that Lim be the first emperor of the Chinese peninsula for five years. Then Lee’s son, Lee Hsien Loong would take over with Lim Guan Eng, the next in line.
Karpal Singh will also nod in agreement because his son, Gobind Singh, is the fourth in line, making him the first emperor of Indian descent in a Chinese nation. They would be the proudest Singh family in the world.
The PAS-led state government of Kedah, led by its recalcitrant Menteri Besar will attempt to take Kedah out of Malaysia in favour of an alignment with the kingdom of Thailand. The Thais are expected to welcome the rice-bowl state with open arms as their kingdom’s new territory. The Kedah Menteri Besar and his family would then embrace Buddhism with the MB being promised a high post as the next abbot of Thailand’s largest monastery upon his retirement from politics. The Kedah MB would also agree to shave his head and become a monk.
Down south, the Umno Menteri Besar who has blood relatives in Singapore, sensing that the DAP-PAP scheme would likely pull through, quickly moves across the Causeway. He later changes his race to Chinese.
The Umno Wanita leader embroiled in the cow-condo controversy quickly follows suit. Her move is not unexpected as she could conveniently move into her multi-million ringgit condominium, bought with money from a government loan for her cow-breeding project.
Back in Kuala Lumpur, a fuming Ibrahim ‘Perkasa’ Ali, who got wind of the DAP’s plan, quickly issues a statement asking Bukit Aman to conduct an immediate investigation into the purported act of treason by the party. He wants none other than the Inspector-General of Police to head the probe.
When asked by a reporter where he obtained the news of the impending act of treason by the DAP, Ibrahim Ali replied, “I had a dream last night. In the dream, a beautiful lady who looks something between Teresa Kok and Hannah Yeoh, told me of the DAP scheme.”
In the East Malaysian states of Sabah and Sarawak, Jeffrey Kitingan will galvanise Sabahans and Sarawakians against Kuala Lumpur with his trump card – the oil royalty issue.
He will attempt to form the People’s Republic of Borneo comprising Sabah, Sarawak, Kalimantan and Brunei. The Brunei Sultan would be approached to be the first King of the new republic with Jeffrey as president.
The Indonesian president is more than happy to let go of Kalimantan, which he describes as the ‘wasteland’ of Borneo, but asks for token compensation.
The people of Sarawak, not too happy that no one from their state is given any high post in the new Borneo Republic, negotiates to become an autonomous region. It is granted.
Of course, none of the above will take place but don’t be surprised if one day, some of our ‘crazy’ politicians come out with their guns blazing, shooting from their mouths and not using their brains.
Just look at Hasan Ali. I’m not sore with him. He made me laugh. Laughter can be good medicine too.
I agree with Lim Kit Siang’s response to Hasan’s claims that “one should get outraged and incensed at lies and falsehoods, but when they are so far-fetched with Hassan Ali talking as if he has got more than a screw loose in his head, it is impossible to get angry and outraged but only feelings of great pity at the gibberish pouring out from him. It is clearly an utter waste of time to try to reason with such a deranged person”.
A commentator from a news site described Hasan as “cuckoo” as the character played by Jack Nicholson in the movie, ‘One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest’.
But I also feel sorry for Hasan. He is now at the lowest point of his political career. He wields no more power in the Selangor government and is without a party.
Kit Siang is probably right. A man who suddenly losses everything must be under tremendous stress and “has more than a screw loose in his head”.
But Hasan should know that he is not the only politician who has fallen by the wayside. Many others have been there before but they did not come out making outrageous and ridiculous statements.
Hasan, stop all your nonsense before it gets you into more trouble. Remember, the mettle of a man is the ability to stand dignified at all times even when the chips are down and during the worst of crises.
Comments can reach the writer via columnists@theborneopost.com.
