This inhumane act is at the top of the list, but many victims keep quiet due to fear, shame
SIBU: The vicious cycle of domestic violence can be stopped if everyone understands the consequences and effects it has upon the powerless, helpless, and the voiceless.
But the road to wipe this form of violence from the top of the heap may be a long, arduous one, unless all victims are courageous to cast aside fear and shame and report to the authorities the hurt they suffered at home.
In addition, the community at large must also discard their attitude of non-interference and alert the authorities if they come across cases of domestic violence.
One Stop Crisis Centre (OSCC) Sibu secretary Eta Ting told The Borneo Post recently that domestic violence could be stopped if everyone respects other people’s lives and fully understands how a proper family system works.
She said many victims had come forward for help, but a lot more chose to suffer in silence due to the social stigma attached.
“Violence does not respect age or culture, and there is going to be a vicious cycle, whereby the abusive kinds of relationship will occur again and again because we’ve found out that an abused child would likely repeat what parents did to them when they grow up.”
She explained that domestic violence is a phenomenon that occurs among families, relatives, and close friends in their homes.
Among the features of domestic violence are psychological and emotional abuse, which include constant criticism; domineering; forced marriage; confinement; threatening behaviour; physical injury like physical torture, threats of injury, and battering;, and sexual injury like rape and incest.
“Some may have children. If they have children, they won’t just go to lodge a report. They (victims) feel they just have to bear the sufferings”
Ting opined that all domestic violence must be reported because no one should suffer in silent.
“When victims lodge reports, they are taking a very brave step. The perpetrators must be stopped from hurting other people.
“All of us have the responsibility not to violate other people’s lives. We are here to live life to the fullest, not exploited.”
She pointed out that there were laws to put the perpetrators in jail.
As most domestic violence occurred due to monetary issues or third person, Ting advised couples to go for counselling if they had problems.
She said family problems could be solved as long as the couple had the intention to solve it.
“We should not let this culture of violence continue. It is heartbreaking when you hear children say they do not mind their parents quarrelling as long as they do not separate, or else they would have to choose between them.”
Ting said another good way to reduce domestic violence was by being a responsible community.
She said many cases went unreported also because of the non- interference attitude of the community, who refrained from calling in the police.
“We want to create a non-violent community. It is a bit difficult, but we are all trying. It all starts with a family, and we also should be keeping tact as a community.”
That is why the primary aims of OSCC is on preventive measures by creating awareness, education, and facilitate community participations in its programmes.
“Prevention is better than cure. We want to do it at the preventive stage, not after the incident has happened.”
OSCC has been organising short courses, talks, and programmes to community leaders and schools to give information about violence.
Primary preventive measures include advocacy and support groups. Secondary preventive measures include para-counselling, support group, facilitator, and coordinator of help assistance, and shelter homes.
“Para-counsellors just have to be there and be a listener and to bring comfort. We just have to lend our ears, and we have to learn to detach, just to journey with them in their suffering,” she said, adding that para-counsellors needed to be trained.
Ting said OSCC Sibu hoped to have a shelter home for the abused victims one day.
“We are pushing for it, but of course we cannot tell where it will be. Mostly likely it has to be confidential.”
The tertiary preventive measures include going to court, divorce procedures, and children welfare.
OSCC and other government departments such police, welfare, and hospital are working together as a team.
“We do not want to point finger at other departments because we are now working as a team. No more blaming each other. Our role is to help the victims.”