Adrian with mum Jennifer
ONE day Jennifer came across a new word dyslexia in the newspaper — a word that had eluded her as she searched for an answer to her troubles.
That discovery came like a light at the end of the long tunnel of her struggle to bring up her son Adrian whose disruptive behaviour and inability to keep up with lessons in school had frayed her nerves to breaking point.
Until she knew about dyslexia, Jennifer and her family had been struggling with an unknown ‘enemy’ that threatened to tear them apart.
“It struck so many chords in my life. As soon as I put down the paper, I went straight to google about it. To my astonishment, the condition is quite common but many people are not aware of it.
“I learned enough about dyslexia to change my life forever. It’s written the truth will set you free. Well, this is one truth that initially smacked me in the face and hurt me and my family but in the end it gave us back our life,” she told thesundaypost.
That enlightenment led Jennifer to the Dyslexia Association of Sarawak (DASsk) where the staff told her about an online course for parents to learn how to handle a dsylexic child and she lost no time in enrolling.
“During the course, we were required to write about our experience. It was where I found comfort in knowing Adrian and I were not alone,” she said.
However, Jennifer had to be sure her son was dyslexic but getting Adrian tested was a struggle. It seems at that time nobody actually knew the proper channel to get a dyslexic child tested.
“From the school, I was sent to the wrong clinic with a bunch of forms which in the end turned out to be useless and outdated. Because I lived near Poliklinik Tanah Putih, I was sent there. After sitting in line for almost the whole morning, I could see the surprise look on the doctor’s face.
“He had no clue about the form he was looking at and told me to meet his superior. Thank God, his superior knew and asked me to go to Jalan P Ramlee. As I got there, the nurse told me I needed a letter from the school.
“Then back at the school, they also had no clue to what I was talking about. Then the school clerk remembered having to write a letter the year before that sounded similar to my case.
“After a week, I went back to the Clinic with the forms and letters in hand only to be told I needed a report from DASwk. So get the gist of the story here, I was never given the proper flow chart on how to get my son tested. I was literally walking blindly in the dark.”
Journey to recovery
However, despite all the frustrations, Jennifer finally got her son diagnosed as dyslexic and finally started her family’s journey to recovery.
“Right now my family and I are in a great place. Our relationship has been repaired and is getting stronger by the day — children and parents, husband and wife, brother and sisters. It’s fantastic! My prayers have been answered and I’m very grateful we are a happy family again.
Most importantly, Adrian loves school. He is active in sports. He is a member of the school athletics and football teams and recently, he took up tennis.”
Looking back Jennifer said when Adrian was born, she never imagined bringing up her third child would tax her and family so much that it almost broke them up.
As she had already experienced the strain of looking after Adrian’s twin sisters, she thought looking after just one boy would be a breeze.
Adrian turned out to be an unusually active child with short attention span. In pre-kindergarten classes, he proved a handful and the teachers reported he was “smart but not attentive in class.”
Adrian showed no interest in learning the alphabets and just wanted to play — a behaviour his teachers and mother put down as normal for boys.
His hyperactivity frazzled the nerves of his parents especially Jennifer who had to help her husband in their catering business besides keeping an eye on Adrian.
“People always asked me if raising twins was hard. Well, compared to raising one very active child, it wasn’t hard at all. Taking care of one of him was like taking care of five ordinary kids.”
Adrian … the best is yet to come.
Behaviour got worse
Like most parents of dyslexic children, Jennifer did not know the reason behind her son’s restlessness, making it impossible for her to address the cause.
In her desperation, Jennifer clung to the hope that it was just a phase Adrian was going through and he would grow out of it. Even her son’s teachers consoled her with the same hope.
“He will be OK when he gets to kindergarten,” the teachers reassured.
However, in kindergarten, Adrian’s disruptive behaviour became so bad that he took to annoying and teasing his classmates and started to constantly lose things, especially his pencils.
“I had to pack a new one in his bag everyday,” said the distressed mother.
The teachers were also losing patience. Since it was a Chinese medium kindergarten, Jennifer thought his inattentiveness was due to the disinterest in learning Mandarin.
So she decided to send him to Smart Readers. That did not help either.
Toll on family
The stress of coping with Adrian’s hyper activity also took its toll on the family and Jennifer’s relationship with her husband became strained.
“We were bickering and at times screaming at each other. We were stressed out with whatever problems we had with our business, made worse by having to cope with our dyslexic son.”
Things got worse when Adrian entered primary one.
“He didn’t want to go to school. Getting him up and dressed to school was a constant battle. His books were always torn to pieces. Textbooks went missing. His pencils and erasers needed to be replenished every morning,” she recalled.
When Adrian was in primary two, the family moved to Kuching and his mother was hopeful the new environment would change him for the better but things got worse.
“He started getting into fights and would come home with dirty smudges on his back. I asked him what happened and he said playing.
“One day, he came home with not only dirty smudges but a torn shirt. I realised it was not just rough play. I was sure it was a fight. I informed the discipline teacher.”
She said: “Haya, your son is asking for it. Why does he want to mix with the older boys?”
Smoother road ahead
Looking back at the challenges her family had to go through, Jennifer realised not knowing what they confronting was the hardest of all.
“It’s hard to accept the fact that you have a child who is different. It seems he has a sickness (with all sorts of symptoms) but was being labelled lazy instead.
“It’s something one cannot see, but by golly, how one can feel it! I was down, sad and frustrated all the time. I felt lost, knowing something was not right but not knowing what it was.”
Knowing what ails Adrian has set Jennifer and her family on the road to recovery from the stress and tension they went through but more importantly, it opens a new chapter in Adrian’s life.
A long road still lies ahead but knowing where they are heading makes the journey smoother. And for Adrian the best is yet to come.
Adrian’s would-be robotic creation.
‘I am dyslexic’
RECENTLY, Faith and I visited the Learning Centre of the Dyslexia Association of Sarawak (DASwk) to meet Adrian.
He was his bright chirpy self when we talked to him.
Asked why he was attending extra classes at centre Adrian answered nonchalantly: “I am dyslexic.”
The spirited 11-year old understood clearly why he has been attending two schools — one the mainstream primary school and another tucked away building at Jalan Maxwell.
The one-story building does not really resemble the schools we are familiar with but the colourful handprints on the wall, the painted “shoe rack” on the floor and the enlarged alphabets on the wall give it away.
The school is designed for teaching children who have difficulty recognising letters and problems in reading, writing and speaking.
However, like Adrian, they are bright and have as much potential as any other children.
“What do you want to be when you grow up?” I asked Adrian.
“A scientist,” he said without hesitation, adding: “Working with robotics.”
“Here, let me draw the machine I want to build,” he grabbed a pen sketched out a picture of his would-be creation.
There was self-assuredness about the way he went about his task. I could sense his passion for the thing he loves.
I phoned my friend Zaiwin who used to be involved with organising robotic games and he gave me a website which I passed on to Adrian.
Apparently, he took to it like duck to water.
His mother, Jennifer, wrote to me a few days later, saying the boy was so happy with the website and has been studying it thoroughly.