My day out

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The early morning view of the KLCC Park from the shopping mall.

I spent an entire day in a shopping mall last Friday, most part of it by myself. No, I was not on a buying spree. In this uncertain economic climate, I only spend on the necessities. Rather, I was stranded there after attending an early meeting.

My wife and I arrived well before the appointed time. In the 10 years since I moved to Kuala Lumpur, I have never ventured into the heart of the central business district this early in the morning. After helping me out of the car and having breakfast together, she left for work while I waited for the meeting to begin.

All the shops were not opened yet. I found a spot near the entrance from where I could observe the activities as the mall slowly came to life. Early bird tourists trickled in. Workers emerged from the underground LRT station and made their way to their offices nearby. Shop assistants busied themselves with last minute preparations before raising the shutters to welcome customers.

The meeting went on smoothly but ended earlier than anticipated. My wife could only come when she knocked off work in the evening. That meant I had to wait for another seven hours or so. With that much time in hand, I went window shopping and then found a quiet corner to get some work done. I could not remember the last time I went out on a jaunt like this.

Being away from the comfort and confines of home by myself was as unnerving as it was liberating. Without my wife to depend on, I had to ask for help from strangers when I needed it. Having done it, I found it neither embarrassing nor demeaning. If anything, it helped build courage and confidence when I had to approach people I don’t know. No one rejected or walked away when I reached out to ask for help.

A couple of times, I didn’t even need to ask. When my gloves dropped on the floor, a young man who was passing in the distance quickly ran over to pick them up for me. He left just as fast without expecting any show of gratitude. Likewise, at the food court, a middle-aged woman walked over to help me after seeing the difficulty I had in pushing a chair aside to make space for myself. She even asked if there was anything else she could do for me after that. I thanked both of them profusely because they had saved me from overexerting myself.

Of course it would be good if I could do everything by myself but I couldn’t. I have become more dependent on my wife over the years as my strength, dexterity and stamina decreased drastically. Aging with severe impairments is slowly and surely taking its toll on my body. That has dampened my spirit of adventure somewhat. That is why I don’t go out alone anymore until that day when I had to due to work.

Nevertheless, it was reassuring to know complete strangers were willing to offer help in sticky situations without hesitation when they saw I needed some. These small unprompted gestures were much appreciated and life savers. My faith in the kindness of humanity is maintained, thanks to these Good Samaritans.

Although it was a long wait for my wife that day, I relished the time alone. It’s not that I don’t enjoy the company of my wife but it’s nice to be able to be out and about, and do things by myself once in a while. Being stuck at home most of the time dulls the mind. It was energising and therapeutic to be in the midst of people moving about in different directions doing different things.

I didn’t know I could love crowded places this much. Most surprising of all, I found clarity of thought in that hive of activity. I have been dispirited for the past few months because of the progression of my kidney disease. The change of environment did a world of good to my mood. I realised life has to go on and will still go on no matter what. I could either let my negative emotions hold me down or see the positive sides of what I still have and move forward.

This day out alone has also allowed me to gauge my own independence. The verdict is that I am not as feeble as I thought. It’s true that I needed help but I was also convinced that I would never be stranded in public places and that assistance was all around me when I needed it. All I had to do was ask, and many times I didn’t even have to. Kind and helpful people are all around.

As exciting as it might seem, the long day without any rest in between wore me out. By the time I reached home, it was already nine o’clock. I have been out for more than 13 hours. I may be exhausted but I also would like to do this again.

The one downside to all these was that at the end of the day,

the parking fee came up to RM49. I wished public transport was more accessible. In spite of that, I have gained a deeper insight of myself and how society reacts to disabled people in general, and I am glad to say that the experience on that day was encouraging generally.