Martinus (third right) in a group photo taken after he had his head shaved for the ‘Go Bald’ campaign in 2013.
MIRI: Time and again we hear the saying ‘time could heal all wounds’, but the grief and pain that Martinus Padan and his wife Rosalind Buyau have endured since losing their youngest son five years ago after 13 years of battling cancer, still linger on.
“Benny was like an angel. He loved to help people despite how it would trouble him a lot. People who knew him were very fond of him. If he were here right now, he would continue his act of love, helping whoever he could,” said Martinus, a 62-year-old father of four.
Recalling the past, Martinus said 18 years ago Ben (by which Martinus often called his son) was diagnosed with Stage 1 Acute Lymphoblastic Leukaemia (ALL) at the age of five.
“At first, he was down with high fever, and that went on and off for three months. His mother and I were worried sick. So, we brought him to Miri Hospital. A check-up showed nothing, but the doctors were suspecting something.
“So, we brought Ben to UKM Medical Centre (in Kuala Lumpur). After three weeks of assessment including blood tests and scan, the doctors confirmed the result as ALL.”
The ALL is an acute form of leukaemia or cancer of the white blood cells that have overpopulated the body. It is characterised by the accumulation of cancerous, immature white blood cells called ‘lymphoblasts’, resulting in inadequate numbers of red blood cells and platelets produced.
It was heart-breaking, as Ben who was already a petite boy was reduced to a skinny figure after losing appetite due to sickness.
“Right after the diagnosis, Ben was put under intensive chemotherapy. Thankfully after the first chemo treatment, the fever stopped. He looked better and it gave us hope (to continue the treatment).”
Martinus (standing, second right) and his family with Datuk Sebastian Ting – now Piasau assemblyman (standing, third left) and SCCS president Jocelyn Hee (standing, right) after a dinner event. Ting and Hee had been giving emotional support to Martinus and his family during Ben’s battle with cancer.
The next four months, Martinus accompanied his son for chemotherapy cycles at UKM Medical Centre.
“Being there alone with Ben, I felt traumatic and devastated. I had neither family nor relatives in Kuala Lumpur – just three to four friends who had helped me a lot during the period; I was so thankful to them. But it was actually nothing compared to what my son went through. The chemo had its side effects, but Ben managed to pull through,” Martinus recalled the experience.
After four months, Ben completed the treatment and was put under remission.
“We were relieved at the time, because Ben was allowed to return to Miri and only scheduled to visit Miri Hospital for blood test once a week, which was later reduced to once a month,” he said.
People often say that after treatment, a cancer patient is put under remission for five years and if they pass the window without relapse, they are considered cured from cancer.
That was what Martinus and Rosalind had earlier thought.
Ben was back at school and continued his studies just like any other ordinary child do.
However, unknown bruises appeared on Ben’s waist when he was 15. Initially, they were thought to be marks left after using a belt.
“Then, more bruises became noticeable all over his body. We were worried and afraid as it gave us a very bad feeling.”
A photo of Benny that shows him posing on a high-powered motorcycle.
Doctors at Miri Hospital referred Ben directly to Kuching and again, for intensive chemotherapy. After eight months of treatment, Ben was put under remission again since no new cancer cell was found. The platelet counts and red blood cells looked convincing.
“Despite feeling relieved, at that time we became more alert. We kept close attention to his daily activities and his diet, though we’d practised this since the first time. But you must understand that, like other teenage kids, Ben loved snacks and more often than not, food that was not so healthy. He ate it anyway; of course, indulging in them once in a while.
“He loved going around, socialising with friends and neighbours, said Martinus. To the boy, there seemed to be no boundary – whoever he crossed path with, he would easily make friends, even lending his helping hand.
“He didn’t look sick. He was just like other kids, an active one. After he obtained his motorcycle licence, he became very independent,” Martinus said, trying to squeeze a smile.
In 2012, Rosalind sensed something was amiss. She could not find Ben’s medical record, which he would bring along during every follow-up visit to his doctor.
“No symptom, nothing to alert us. We thought Ben knew something, which he might have seen from the doctor’s record. He told us that the doctor kept his record. The same bad feeling came back to haunt us again,” said Martinus.
He was told by Ben’s doctor that the cancer came back and suggested that treatment might not be wise as it could worsen Ben’s condition.
Ben was declared as palliative.
Loss of appetite, frequent coughs and physical pain were some of Martinus’ sad, painful memories of Ben.
“We sought help from doctors to ease his pain. So, the doctors gave Ben some chemo drugs. After the pain went away eventually, his appetite returned.”
Coping with Ben’s final months, Martinus had only one thought — that he would do whatever he could to help his son.
“There was that one time, a friend told me that a Roman Catholic church in Sabah had a praying session, said to be able to help people with chronic illness. Since I thought that there’s no harm for a prayer, I brought him there.”
Martinus (left) and Rosalind with Benny in this photo taken five years ago – a time when Ben fulfilled his wish of riding a big bike.
This month, five years ago, was Ben’s final moment with the family.
It was around this time when Sarawak Children’s Cancer Society (SCCS) managed to fulfil his final wish, under the society’s ‘Last Wish’ project – Ben got to ride on a big bike.
“Honestly, we never expected that we would reach this point in life because we had kept our hopes high, even though we had prepared ourselves as Ben’s condition worsened,” Martinus said with teary eyes.
The couple held on in keeping a brave face throughout the interview with The Borneo Post, but eventually they broke down in tears.
If there was one thing that Martinus had learnt from Ben’s illness and the years that they endured together, it was that the situation had kept the family together.
“The whole family (and extended families) had been supporting one another physically and emotionally. SCCS had done so much in helping us deal with cancer since Ben’s diagnosis – they were also there during palliative and bereavement. We felt so blessed with the support that had poured in.”
Whenever Martinus could squeeze in time to volunteer with SCCS, he would share his story with parents of newly-diagnosed patients.
‘Hope for the best, prepare for the worst’ are the advice that he has been sharing with all parents.
“It kept me and my family together. I hope that I could help others too.”
In 2013, Martinus made the ultimate decision – he went on to have his head shaved in the ‘Go Bald’ campaign.
“As my hair was shaved and it fell to the ground, so were my tears. It was important to me that at that very moment – the memories of Ben came in like waterfall. I miss him so much. Ben was such a great boy that God has given to us as a gift,” he said.