AN acquaintance recently made a passing remark on how certain people who are around him daily seem to leave him enervated by the time he reaches home.
Those of us who were there when the remark was made assumed that he was referring to people he had to deal with in the course of his work (this guy is in sales and marketing, and we all know how taxing his clients can be).
On the contrary, he indicated that these ‘tiring’ people are actually friends and family members.
The issue of people who drain and people who nourish is not new. While it is easy to find self-help books and websites that touch on the topic, many of us go through life without even realising whether we are being ‘nourished’ or ‘drained’ by the people around us.
And no, we are not talking about those who drain us physically or financially.
When one talks about how one is drained or nourished by others, it usually refers to the emotional state of mind.
In most cases, we are oblivious to the human factor affecting the way we feel at the end of the day. We take it as part of life and ‘going through the motions’. In other words, more often than not, we are being drained very subtly.
Take for example, the friend or family member who talks non-stop and is never interested in what you have to say, unless it is about him or her.
There are others who drain people around them by constantly complaining, having dramas, hyperventilating and always wanting others to process their problems and attend to them.
Even those who brag a lot and are overly nice to you in the hopes of gaining something can be draining.
These ‘vampires’ often count on those who are nice and sincere in extending help. And sometimes, this can prove to be a danger to their ‘victims’ as these ‘victims’ end up neglecting their own needs and feelings.
On the other hand, people who nourish are those who leave us feeling good after being around them. They give us a reason to want to be around them and we feel energised knowing that they are in our lives.
Mark Morford, in an article aptly titled ‘Hello, I find you perfectly toxic’ writes of how we can take a simple test to gauge if people around us drain or nourish us – by simply asking ourselves how we feel after we exit a particular person’s company.
Energised or depleted? If you are emotionally tired, it is most likely that you have been drained by a ‘vampire’. If energised, we have been nourished.
But he also warns that it is not as simple as it sounds. Say, if we were to take this little test too seriously, we may end up over-evaluating the people around us all the time, start avoiding those who give us the slightest bit of stress and end up as reclusive hermits without friends or family.
Basically, it boils down to adopting a balanced approach in life. We cannot allow ourselves to be completely enervated by emotional ‘vampires’. Neither can we completely cut them out of our lives, even more so if they are family.
Sometimes, all that needs to be done is to put your foot down (gently, because you do not want to turn energy draining vampires into raving attention depraved lunatics).
Nourish them a little, where necessary, but not too much. We need some of that nourishment for ourselves too.
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