DEALING with a major crisis can be overwhelming. From being diagnosed with a life-threatening disease to being struck by an accident, resulting in serious injuries, we are usually at a loss on what to do in the beginning. Because these are events that have never happened to us before and never thought could happen to us.
The two major life-changing events that happened to me — first spinal cord injury and now end-stage renal disease — have taught me better ways to cope with unforeseen and unexpected situations.
I also learned from observing how other people deal with theirs. Here I would like to share some insights into how I dealt with the multiple crises I have experienced.
The question is where do we even begin?
First things first: acceptance. Things happen. People become unwell. People get involved in accidents. This is life.
The quicker we are in acknowledging the situation, the quicker we can start to deal with it. Living in denial and hoping it will go away by itself doesn’t help. Foregoing treatment at the early stages can make it more difficult to manage later.
I have friends with spinal cord injury who have died either of kidney disease or pressure sores. They refused to get treated for one reason or another. When they finally decided to admit themselves into the hospital because their health had taken a turn for the worse, there was nothing much the doctors could do anymore.
This brings me to the second point: seek professional help. Listen to the doctor’s advice. Follow up on all appointments diligently. There will always be well-meaning friends and relatives, and even strangers, who will suggest all sorts of non-conventional treatments and religion. These non-evidence based treatment can do more harm than good.
Many years ago, a close relative was diagnosed with oral cancer. Instead of following up at the hospital, she sought traditional treatments. She didn’t get better. The cancer spread. By the time she went back to see the doctor, it was already too late. That was all within a space of a couple of months only.
Compartmentalise. Seeing the problem in totality can be intimidating. Separate the problem into smaller tasks. Small tasks are easier to deal with. Draw up a list of tasks that need to be done.
Prioritise. Sort the tasks in the order of importance. Do what needs to be done first. Put these tasks into a calendar. It helps to be able to visualise what we need to do following a timeline.
When unravelling a tangled mess of ropes, we have to find the ends to put them through the loops. Likewise, having a list of priorities will make it easier for us to start from somewhere and work our way through it. This will give us a sense of purpose and direction.
Check off the list one by one as they are accomplished. Seeing that we are moving along can be reassuring. Each completed task is a victory by itself no matter how big or small they are. When completed, they will all add up.
One step at a time. Don’t rush. Think through before doing anything. Think of the consequences. Doing things in haste can cloud our judgement. Before doing something, we should first ask ourselves — “What would a coolheaded me do in a situation like this?” This has stopped me from doing something rash or silly many times, no matter how urgent it was.
Be flexible. If what was planned doesn’t work out, look for alternatives. As far as possible, have a backup plan or two. It doesn’t hurt to have options. When in doubt, go for a second or even a third opinion.
Work with a medical team that can make us feel at ease. Listen to their advice. Talk to them. Ask them questions.They are the crucial component on the road to recovery. Read up as much as possible on the condition. Talk to people who have gone through it. There are many self-help forums on the Internet for such purposes.
And when we have gained sufficient knowledge and experience, we should spend time to share with others caught in similar situations. Make it a learning process for ourselves and one that can benefit other people as well.
Live one day at a time. Make the best of each day. Life becomes less complicated like that. Yesterday is gone. There is nothing we can do about it. Today is here. Live it well. Let tomorrow worry about tomorrow. Worrying will not change anything.
It is all right to be scared but don’t let fear hold us back. On the other hand, we should use that as an impetus to take action to improve ourselves. It is all right to break down. Crying can be therapeutic. We are after all humans.
Last but not least, be optimistic. Keeping a positive outlook can be difficult when the odds seemed to be stacked against us. But that is exactly what we must be. Look for reasons to push forward. Look for a reason to live. There surely are many. As long as we don’t give up, there is always hope. We owe it to ourselves and our loved ones that fighting chance.
It is true when they say what does not kill us makes us stronger. If I can survive two major crises, and many smaller ones, and live to tell about them, anyone can!