‘It’s like leaving my family behind’

DOMESTIC helper Ener Maesaroh has begun to feel very sad about bidding farewell to her ‘family’ in Kuching.  Soon she will be going home to join her actual family in Indonesia.

The 52-year-old calls those whom she works for and lives with in Kuching ‘family’ because she loves them like her own flesh and blood, and they reciprocate her love.

Although she and her ‘adopted’ family are of different faiths, that’s of the least concern because it pales against their sincerity and truthfulness to uphold their relationship through mutual respect, understanding, and above all, a give-and-take attitude.

The quinquagenarian comes from Kampung Sindang Hela, Tanjung Siang Subang in Jawa Barat province. She belongs to the ethnic group of Sunda from Bandung and works as a housemaid for a Christian Chinese family in Kuching.

Having been with this family for 12 long years, Ener has developed an intimate relationship with them. While taking care of the family’s three children and watching them grow up, she has come to love them like her own grandchildren.

In March, before the advent of the fasting month, Ener will leave them to return to her village for good and it breaks her heart.

However, while it saddens her to leave her dear ‘family’ behind in Kuching, she finds comfort in the fact that her biological family is looking forward to her homecoming.

“I haven’t gone home for six years. That’s a long time. I miss my two grown-up children very much and also my two grandchildren, my two younger brothers, uncles, aunts, and old friends,” Ener said, adding that her husband and parents had passed away.

She let on that one of her brothers was eagerly awaiting her return for his wedding.

Ener said her bond with the three children of her Kuching family is the strongest. She calls them Koko, Ah Mui, and Ah Che and they call her nenek.

“I wonder how many tears I’ll shed when I leave them. I might cry myself to sleep whenever I think of them,” she told thesundaypost as her voice quivered and her eyes welled up.

“Imagine, I’ve been with them, taking care of them, and loving them since they were born. How can saying goodbye not break my heart? What hurts, even more is the thought that they will feel life won’t be the same without me around anymore.”

Ener hopes to see them again one day. When the Covid-19 pandemic is over, there’s a plan on the part of her employers to visit her village and she looks forward to it.

After regaining her composure, she continued, “I’ll miss looking after them and getting involved in their activities. I’ll miss telling them stories too.

“They love listening to stories about my village and my life back home.”

Then breaking into a light-hearted chuckle, she added, “They’re especially curious and wanted to know more when I told them that my home in the village has no Internet, no air conditioners, and no this and that.”

Another thing Ener will miss is cooking the family’s favourite dishes — curry fish balls, potatoes, barbecue chicken, fried beancurd, and chicken soup.

She said the family let her decide what to cook for their daily meals. Only occasionally would the children make special requests and she was more than happy to oblige.

 

Amiable and understanding

Erner’s employers — Dr Chew Kian Peng and Amy Ling — struck her immediately as very amiable and understanding the first day she arrived to work for the family.

“My first impression was correct. They are very kind to me, taking care of me when I’m sick and always making sure I’m in good health not because they want me to be strong and fit to work all the time.

“I can feel it in my bones they are a kind-hearted couple and genuinely care for my well-being like I’m their mother.

“That’s why, in return, I also treat my Madam like my own daughter and my Mister like my own son-in-law. I feel very blessed to have known them and I believe their kindness will be repaid by Allah,” Ener acknowledged.

She also said she had heard of employers keeping the passports of their housemaids, fearing they might abscond. However, she pointed out that on the contrary, her employers never kept her passport or any personal documents and they had full trust in her.

Asked if she faced any problems as a Muslim working for a non-Muslim family, she said one thing which touched her was her employers’ respect for her religion.

According to her, they provide her with a separate set of utensils and cutlery to cook and eat her meals with, often consulting her on the things they have to observe concerning her faith.

“They are very considerate in such matters,” she said.

Ener said like everyone else, she was just doing a job to earn a living.

When she did things which might seem unbefitting to her creed, she would always follow up with a cleansing ritual. And for this, she even has special soil which she asked her employers to buy for her.

She revealed during the fasting month, her employers would tell her she need not do any cooking and they would just buy food.

But she said she often insisted on cooking because she felt it was not fair to them not to. Besides, she knows eating takeaways too often may not be good for health.

Ener admitted it might be challenging one way or another for a Muslim to work in a non-Muslim home, but pointed out that, “if one is true to one’s faith, holds no malice towards others, does not harm anyone, is honest and compassionate,” she doesn’t see any problem arising.

“It’s all between the person and God, and God is merciful,” she added.

 

Saudi Arabia

Before coming to Sarawak, Ener said she was lucky to have worked for a kind Muslim family in Saudi Arabia for six years. That gave her the opportunity to go for the Haj three times and the Umrah 11 times.

She said not many people like her had such opportunities and she felt very blessed for it.

On her life in her home village, she said like the other residents, she was a farmer, growing rice and vegetables.

To her, life in the village is basic and lacking in many facilities most urbanites take for granted.

That was why she decided to leave and seek a better life elsewhere and, for her, the better paying job she could get was to be a domestic helper in a foreign country.

Before leaving Indonesia to work abroad, she promised herself to be honest, trustworthy, hard-working, and caring towards her employers, believing that the quality of being morally upright is one of the most important attributes a housemaid should have.

Ling said she and her family would certainly miss Ener, whom she and her husband call ‘Ibu Haji’, a lot after she goes back to her home country.

“I’m especially worried about my eldest son, Max. He will surely miss her because he is the one closest to his nenek, who has been taking care of him the longest compared to his twin sisters, Meladie and Melanie.

“Ibu Haji leaving our family will make me feel like losing a hand and a family member and I can foresee what life will be like without her.”

She added that the close bond they built over the years would be extremely hard to break.

Ling, a marketing executive at her husband’s clinic, which is a family business, said sometimes her friends would ask her why not give Ener an increment and persuade her to stay back.

Ling would explain it was not the money that mattered as she could understand that Ener misses her home after being away for so long and it’s time she should be with her own family.

“Besides, Ibu Haji is getting older and she deserves to spend more time with her own family now. I must think of Ener’s situation and I feel it’s not right to force her to stay back for my family’s comfort. Furthermore, my kids are bigger now and it’s time they learn to take care of themselves.”

 

Irreplaceable

Ling said Ener was her family’s first domestic helper and would also be their last.

“She’s irreplaceable. We’re not sure if we can find another person as good and honest as her. I don’t treat her as my maid but as a mum. I would get angry if anyone raised their voice at her.”

Ling added that the family held a special surprise celebration for Ener’s last birthday, knowing she will be going home this year.

She described Ibu Haji as a holy person who prays five times a day. Whenever she prayed, Ling would tell her children not to make noise.

During the fasting month, they would ask what she would like to eat for breaking the fast and they would always buy her favourite food.

During festive seasons like Chinese New year or Hari Raya, the family would bring her with them to the open houses of relatives and friends.

Ling said as age was catching up, Ener naturally tended to feel tired more easily and started to have some ailments, adding that as such, she paid more attention to Ener’s health and gave her more time to rest.

“Ibu Haji once complained of blur vision. I brought her for a checkup the next day. I’m concerned since she will be returning home soon. We want to make sure she is good in health and able to take care of herself when she goes back to her village.”

Ling said she had ordered some items online for Ener to bring home as gifts for her relatives and friends.

“After being away for so long, her family will be happy to receive some gifts or souvenirs from her. We don’t want her to go back empty-handed.”

Ling pointed out hers was one of the lucky families who had such a good experience with their housemaids.

She believed maids being abused by their employers or misbehaving in the homes where they worked were isolated cases.

“Because such incidents were bad, they ended up becoming issues and getting into the media. Bad things usually get reported and hyped up while good things stay hidden and silent,” she reckoned.

 

 

 

 

 

Ener 4

 

 

Ener 5